Family

Perhaps it's the time of year. Perhaps it's my age. Perhaps it's my career. Perhaps it's an awakening. Perhaps it's just hormones. Perhaps it's just too damn much love in my heart. Or perhaps I was inspired by watching The Natives series (so great, btw).

But I've been thinking a lot about family lately, and what that means to me.

I've never wanted children. In fact, it was one of the first things I told my husband when we first met. The thought of being responsible for another human all my life was/is scary. I put everything I have into my relationship with my husband, (well, pugs, too!) and my career. My cup is pretty full now. But the question is: Will it still be full later, if I don't have a child/children?

Someone once told me that they thought that was our only purpose of our existence  - to have kids. I thought that was insane, and that was a shallow perspective. I suppose it's because I think happiness, love, and fulfillment can be found all around us, all the time, if we look. But I do respect that perspective.

One of my main concerns has always been the business I've chosen. Without the risk of sounding whiny, because that's not my intention, I'll still say it - it's a tough business for a woman. Mostly 'cause it's mainly MEN. But that aside, it's just flat out time consuming. Way more time consuming than any other job I can think of (and I've had a few!). You have to saturate yourself in it if you want to succeed. 

So, I tried to think of examples of people who've done it successfully - had it all, and I came up with a few... for one, my wonderful producer, Lorie, has a beautiful 2 (going on 3?) year old and does a great job of shifting back and forth. And two and three are some of my other role models - Nora Ephron and Nancy Meyers (writer-directors). They're brilliant at what they do, and they each have 2 children!! So, it must be possible... right?

I remember a good filmmaker friend of mine asking me a couple of years back - "how do film people do it.. have careers and families... they do it, don't they?" And honestly, I couldn't say YES. I thought that if we had kids in our 30's we were doomed in the biz. But then I found my producer... and now...?

Well, now I'm beginning to see how it can maybe be done. But I'm not there yet. We're all different, regardless of my 'examples', and all handle stress, work, and family differently. When I think of 40, I still picture myself being "busy." Maybe busy just changes with regard to how I'm 'being busied.' But at least I know that there's hope... if that's a direction I choose to take - I will look at these wonderful ladies and know that I don't have an excuse.

After all, whoever your family is, family is everything. And families are inspiring (I know mine are!). That's good for any business. :)

A few lil movie reviews: Funny People, The Ugly Truth, & Australia

OK, during TG you stay indoors a lot! :) So I have a few movie reviews for ya - what I did when I wasn't playing a board or card came during family time. These will be short and sweet, but hopefully serve as some insight if you're contemplating spending a couple hours (or 3!) of your life in front of the tube on one of them.

I always think it helps when you go into a movie without expectations. That is when you experience your untainted, unmotivated, true feelings about it. And this is how I went into this particular movie, Funny People, not really having heard much about it (which is usually a red flag).

Funny People: The tone of this film pleasantly surprised me. It was consistent and really well executed. It was funny, but not overt. The dialog was natural, and I enjoyed the story, also written by Apatow (Knocked Up). The reactions from the characters seemed really honest, and I was impressed at the fact that, although it wasn't just keeping me on the edge of my seat with curiosity, it never let me drift off. The chemistry was definitely there. I was invested in this little story of wanting to know what would happen to this man (Sandler) and seeing him change. It wasn't a really deep or completely unpredictable flick, but the performances were. And they didn't try too hard to be funny, which in my opinion, was what allowed it to be funny.

The Ugly Truth: I have to admit, I went into this one with a little bit of expectation, and it wasn't all good. It's one of those mass-appeal cute movies with not a lot of substance, right? My mom liked it, and Shad's dad thought it was a hoot, so I just dove in. Would it live up to its name? It was completely predictable, but it did have cute/funny moments, and overall, I give them credit for at least finding a new way to deliver the material - from mostly the perspective of the man. The actors are pretty good, and one can't help but love Gerard. Seriously, I didn't want to like him in this. But he won me over in 300, then P.S. I Love You, and it's been hard to deny him ever since. :) It's mindless entertainment, but worth a watch - once.

Australia: Ah, the epic 3 hour movie that finally came on cable so I could watch it. What can I say, it's hard to go rent anything that's 3 hours these days. Unless you get suckered into doing it in a theater (which is plenty!!) it just doesn't happen. I sometimes wonder how I watched The Sound of Music so many times when I was little, and what happened to my attention span!? Back to the movie. The first time I put it on, I only watched 15 min. and turned it off. I thought it was a serious picture, but it struck me as odd and corny - like a bad old western. There was too much smoke/fog, and far fetched scenes with wagons and kangaroos. I think the continuity problems with the introduction of Hugh Jackman's hair is when I stopped it. But I kept hearing that it was soooo good. Where was it? Where was the good? So I gave it another shot with my hubbie, and assured him it was supposed to get better, when he made ugly faces at the same things I had. Guess what, it does grow on you. And the actors are pretty great. They eventually make you forget about the distracting CGI, and cheesy narration. And the chemistry is quite wonderful between Kidman and Jackman. And the kid's performance, I must say, very impressive. There's also spectacular shots to appreciate - in an enormously beautiful kind of way. So, my advice is that if you can get through the first half (I know that's asking a lot these days) you will appreciate the last half so much more. After all, it's a Baz Luhrmann film. C'mon, who doesn't love him (Moulin Rouge)? :)

Happy movie watching!

New friends, old friends - it's complicated.

Today I met with an old friend. We used to be best friends, but I haven't seen her since she moved about 5 years ago. We sort of became disconnected a while before that though, and therefore distanced - both emotionally & physically. But reconnecting with her today proved to me a couple things. One - you can't force chemistry, and two - friends should be appreciated for who they are, period.

Like any relationship, people are people and people make mistakes. I think I'm a bit scarred from previous relationships & have been able to let go of people quite easily because of that. In the past, I've put up blocks to keep a safe distance from 'new friends' so that I won't be disappointed when they let me down. Or I let them down (?). It's a defense mechanism, and I'm working on it. It's not something I'm proud of, and consequently, I probably spend a lot of time alone because of it! Thank God I like to work. :) And write!

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, regardless of how this may sound, I'm just trying to make sense out of a complicated, complex song & dance. And to the contrary, I'm feeling really wonderful about my friends right now - both old and new. :)

When I met with my old friend today we laughed... and laughed... she just "gets me." And that may sound cheesy or whatever, but it's TRUE. How many people can look at one another and know what's up? Honestly. It's like an old shoe - it just fits.

And being around so many of my dear friends lately, I've also come to another conclusion - I'm damn lucky. Really lucky. Lucky to have them, lucky to spend time with them, and better for knowing them.

Looking for help with budgeting, scheduling or breakdowns for film?

I am seeking budgeting/scheduling or breakdown work for December/January. My fee is based on what the filmmaker can afford and I work with anything from student shorts & music videos to indie features. I understand low budgets and would love to help folks out.

So what does this entail?

-Fixing budgets or creating budgets

-(if you’re Austin based) - providing crew & resources

-Performing a script breakdown

-Making a production schedule, or fixing issues within the schedule

I realize this is all small work and most of you are low budget filmmakers, but anything helps during this time period and I love doing this work. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN TEXAS, as I realize a lot of you are not. This is all stuff I do with my computer in coffee shops.

So, uh, can you help a gal out? Email me - goingforpicture@gmail.com

Thanks!

Michelle

Seeing the bright side of things.

Today I felt overwhelmed with love in my heart. I'd like to say I feel that way every moment of everyday, but what can I say (not trying to rhyme here!) it doesn't always happen. I feel every other emotion that all other humans feel and try to embrace it. I don't think feelings should be bottled up. In fact, a period of my life I've struggled with passive aggressiveness, and just being in the moment is the best way to overcome that. Don't try to HIDE it. You can always say how you feel with tact and kindness. But that's another subject!

It could have been the Chinese meds I'm taking for this cold, (sure... NEW, organic alcohol...) but I don't think so. I think it's because I have so damn much to be grateful for. Sometime it's overshadowed by work, or being busied with laundry or taking care of my puggies. Sometimes it's busied with cleaning my floors or cooking for my hubby. But, when I had a chance to just breathe - there it was - staring me in the face - gratitude.

For the most part, all of our family members are in good shape, which I'm extremely appreciative of. However, Shad's Granny has been diagnosed with a disease, which will rob her of her eyesight within the next year. She's in her late 70's, and I assume this is most devastating to endure, having been a healthy, mostly independent, attractive woman all her life.

It got me to thinking the other day while I was driving - I hope she saw everything she wanted to see. As silly as it sounds, I then thought of Marley and Me, when he lets Marley run freely into the ocean waters, and asks if he's done everything he's wanted to do...

I feel like crying for her. But I know it won't help. I feel like crying for myself because I just feel bad for her, but that's stupid. She's the one that has to accept this state and move on with her life. But I know that's easier said than done. I know, because that's been a fear of mine since I was little. I used to ask my eye doctor if I'd go blind, and he reassured me that I had to have a disease... that didn't just 'happen.' Apparently this disease doesn't prey on poor sight victims, to be exact. It hits up the most healthy of human beings, mostly coming into old age.

Life isn't about just looking though, it's about seeing what's in front of you. It's not about just listening, it's about gaining knowledge by hearing. And it's not about just talking, it's about communicating. Life is complex. It's bittersweet. Lessons are often embedded in pain. But mostly it's just wonderful, precious, and beautiful. I don't want to waste a single second of it, and I hope you don't either. It may seem really long sometimes, especially with the decisions we make. But it's pretty damn short too.

When we were little, the world seemed so big that our homes were continuously exploratory. When we became teenagers, so much as a blemish or bad boyfriend experience made us want to dye our hair black, pierce something, & die. And now that we're in our 30's, we know that there's so much more to do.... we just hope we have time to do it all. If we're smart, we'll spend a little less time on looking for wrinkles, and a little more time earning them.

I AM an ANIMAL changed my life

Without the risk of sounding preachy or cult-like, let me preface this by saying a few things. I grew up in a town of about 300 people. Vegetarianism was not in our dictionary. In fact, I'm not sure I ever heard the word - ever. I lived less than a mile away from a slaughter house. And it was natural - cows were food & equalled a paycheck to my family - no more, no less. My dad was (and still kinda is) a cattle salesman. It wasn't unusual for me to go to a sale with him, play in the pens with the loving sweet calves and then go inside and eat a delicious hamburger.

It wasn't until my 30's that I began a close friendship with someone who enlightened me on the subject of what takes place with animals 'behind the scenes'. But my evolution wasn't that immediate. Everytime I was around them, my "v" friends, ;) I felt a little awkward eating meat, because I knew they were so passionate about NOT eating it. But that didn't stop me either, of course. This was ingrained into my inner being, my cultural existence on earth. Just because a couple of people didn't eat it, wasn't going to influence me TOO MUCH, so I thought.

In fact, I remember when my husband asked me about being a vegetarian about 10 years ago, when we were still getting acquainted. :) Apparently, his last girlfriend was a vegetarian, and he was a little weary of it. He said he tried it once with her but only ended up eating cheese. Needless to say, he gained weight!!

And MY response to his, "Are you a vegetarian?" was, "Hell, no!"

But after all those years of ignoring what I knew was possibly out there, I began asking questions. It's in my scorpion nature, I suppose. I remember asking my v- friend, "well, what's so wrong with eating a chicken, for instance, if you buy 'free roaming'? Wouldn't they have a good life?" Her response to that was, "they're still going to die... they're still going to fear the death... and you're consuming that negative energy..." My brain was going, "humph". She had a point. But still not enough to turn me, YET!

Somehow I stumbled upon a documentary, I AM an ANIMAL, and watched it with my meat loving husband. That night I was in shock. The next day, we both were like - we're going to try this - together.

He stuck to vegetarianism for a year and 1/2 and I know it was a lot more unsatisfying for him than me. But I'm proud of him for really giving it a go. When it comes down to it, it's such a personal choice, like religion. But religion is based on faith. And animal cruelty is based on facts. I think it's irresponsible to turn way from the TRUTH, too.

When I first really started my journey, I was like so many other 'new vegetarians' who are just angry all the time - angry that others don't 'get it' - angry that they won't try. My heart was angry that this animal cruelty was going on, and I couldn't do A LOT about it.

I soon learned, and especially through the fabulously gracious approach of Kathy Freston, who wrote QUANTUM WELLNESS that it's not about trying to convince people. It's about getting the info out there so that people can make their personal choices. And it's not about judging others. That's not our job on earth, but it is our job to do our personal best. If that means you go for a week without eating meat, good for you! If that means cutting down on your consumption altogether, wonderful! Or simply just be aware of what you're putting into your body, and you'll be doing BETTER than you were before!

I found a great article today that demonstrates the difficulties we, vegetarians, often experience from others (holiday guide link below). I really work on living a spiritual life, and being kind, so when people are prejudiced against this decision I've made, it's a challenge for me to not feel isolated and upset. If anything, I think I should be the one mad at them for choosing something that's inhumane! But that's not right either.

And guess what friends? We're in charge of how we feel - not anyone else. No one can make you do or feel anything. What's inside is what comes out. So, keep being aware, keep being a compassionate earthling, keep asking questions, and don't apologise for it. You can live in peace knowing that you're making the best decision for YOU and living your personal best life no matter what else is out there.

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL TIPS FOR VEGGIES.

peace and love. Jentri

The continuation of storyboarding, love, & the aether.

I don't like the "s" word, so I'll just say I've been 'under the weather' this week. :) I'm still not up to full speed, but nothing gets me out of bed and on my feet faster than thinking about Lost In Sunshine. 

After a couple of hours of storyboarding with Ia and Iskra this AM, we began to find our rhythm - our cadence. It was a miraculous experience for me - so wonderful.  What began as a bothersome, anxiously awaited activity, turned into a beautiful, magical process. What can I say... "they complete me!" Ok, that was cornsville, but I do LOVE my gals. They f'ing ROCK!!!

Before we began the process, I conveyed my thoughts to Iskra (DP) of illustrating the character's POV's through the lenses, what that meant technically, and how that would change through the course of the film. How would their worlds be reflected through this method? It was lovely to be able to implement those techniques visually on paper - a great lesson for me with angles, composition, lighting - yet another way to TELL the story - emphasize the details of that which you want to enhance or negate. Thanks, ladies!!

Then Iskra and I started chatting about the tone of the film, saturation levels, aspect ratios (what's that? ha. no really...235?) and what camera might best suit our needs. Lately, RED has been all the talk. Now we're throwing 35mm into the bowl of possibilities. So many things to still TBD! Will keep you posted. :)

We were talking cranes, dollies and steadicams, too. Our film will hold a certain fluidness - little to no hand held action. Then Iskra reminds me that we must not forget stillness. Oh yes, it has a place too.  And thank goodness Ia can draw it. I'm afraid I'll need to reference that later. ;)

Still trying to figure out if we will shoot one or two days in "Sunshine" this Dec. If only one, then we're contemplating shooting "POV driving shots" to capture the essence of Fall, if possible. After all, we have found Lyn's car (main character) that we have access to, and I'm VERY excited. This little beauty is a character all on its own. Perfectly imperfect. MUAH.

And with all the great LIS stuff circulating around me, I find more excitement in the air with the Aether Paranormal documentaries I'm producing with Paranormal Productions. Things are looking unusually optimistic for some network action, so we're keeping our fingers crossed. Things move fast in LA. That's why we reside here. We like to sleep in and stay up late! 

So after a GREAT session with the ladies, and a long, productive phone meeting this afternoon with my kick ass producer, Lorie, followed by some much needed good news regarding the Aether team, I feel elated... yet still under the weather.  What can I say... It's hard to be down with so many uplifting things going on! 

Thanks for reading, and have a beautiful weekend!

ps. LIS official website launch still on for end of October - yeah! 

Love, Jentri